We Were On A BREAK!

 

Call me unpopular: but I agree with Ross. They were on a break. 

Sometimes you have to take a break. 

When you take a break why are you expected to act like you're not? 

Now this isn't a post about relationships, romance, and reconciliation by any means. I'm very single right now and very happy about it, but instead this is more of an analysis as to why I believe taking "breaks" is important.

 I take breaks from things regularly; breaks in a game, breaks in my meal, breaks in friendships, breaks in work, breaks from breaks. Honestly, I can take breaks from just about anything. I genuinely think there's nothing wrong in looking at a situation, taking a step back and saying: 

I apply to this so many things in my life. I mute certain people on my phone, I change the "downtime" settings on my iPhone to not let me access certain apps at certain times, I mute stories/notifications from family members, friends, acquaintances, beauty influencers that make me want to throw myself into a vat of botox, and whomever/whatever else makes me feel like I am not doing the best I could be doing just because I get so dang comparative. 

When I was mapping out this blog post today, I was thinking about how I am notorious for doing a disappearing act. I leave people's houses when they aren't paying attention, in social situations I straight up will walk away from someone, or group of someones, if I am uncomfortable or just not having the conversation anymore, or the biggest thing I'm notorious for: not telling people anything about what's going on. 

This act is never in a way to deprive someone from helping me, or caring about me, but merely a mechanism I use to take a break from feeling overbearing. 

Now, before I get the messages that are all "omg kim you need to talk to your therapist that's not a good coping mechanism" (since everyone is an armchair therapist these days) why is it that when people say it's okay to take mental health breaks, they can't also include just not communicating something until you've been able to process it yourself or deal with it first? You can go on Pinterest and search Mental Health Break, and almost all the posts are about "signs you need a break" "it's okay not to be okay" or my absolute favorite are actually the little cute pictures that are all "You're doing okay" It always makes me think of that scene in Keeping Up With The Kardashians. 

So why can't we have that mentality but also step back from people, places, things, conversations, etc.? 

Now before I get too wordy, I'll reiterate that I think "breaks" are important and come in various shapes and forms; since I am a lover of all things listed out, here's an itemized list of what I do when I am on a break or things I do to recharge for situations. 

1. Mute my phone. I regularly get made fun of for having my phone die all the time because I'm always on it, but a lot of time I'm reading on it, or on Pinterest (sorry not sorry but that's my favorite social media), and when I scroll through Social Media that's usually when I'm at my saddest. So I mute all notifications on my phone and it allows me to look at what I want to look at, rather than what I feel like I have to look at. 

2. Hide things from myself. I'm a very sentimental person. I keep everything that has any emotional or sentimental value. Notes from my students, pictures, screenshots, sweaters from old boyfriends (I get heat for that regularly in relationships)... I can't help it. But what I can do is hide the things that make me emotional or overwhelmed somewhere. Right now I have a box of stuff that reminds me of someone hiding somewhere in my room. Bless my ADD because I can't remember where I put it even if I wanted to go look for it... I needed a break. 

3. Write down my goals. I know this might seem counter intuitive if you're someone feeling overwhelmed from work, or other accomplishment based areas of life; but this is my favorite one by far since it reminds me why I'm doing something instead of how I feel about something. I got to a point this year I told people to stop asking me about certain parts of my life, or bringing it up, because it was redundant. My goals for that thing (sorry to be vague) were different than what people thought it was and I didn't feel the need to share. They were my goals. They were written down on my phone. I saw them every morning. It helped me break away from what other people were feeling about it because it was mine. 

and here's the kicker... my absolute favorite: 

4. Ask myself "why" and if it's nothing edifying for my soul.... just stop it. I get regular heat from people for not being to let things go, and it's usually because I see value in it. I see value in the person, the relationship, the friendship, the workplace, etc. So I have a hard time letting those things go. BUT if I sit down, and I genuinely think the "why" isn't good enough for me. I just stop. There was a talk given in my church where he said (in not so many words):"Here's what you should do. Just stop it." I think I let that lead my life. If I stop talking to you: be concerned. If I stop sharing my life on social medias: there's a reason. If I up and leave the country and move in 6 weeks: just know it makes sense. 

Now that this post is longer than I intended, I hope I at least help others feel better about feeling like they need breaks from things. Breaks are good. Breaks heal you. Breaks remind you what you need. Breaks might make you cry and burn a bit, but honestly if you're never uncomfortable... how will you learn?