What I've learned since leaving my marriage of 4 years.

Before I get into what I've learned I wanted to share a little disclaimer: 

Everyone has an opinion; whether it's about what looks fashionable, which sports team is the best, or how relationships should be handled, everyone has a right to their opinion. Being a 24 year old member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints has subjugated me to a plethora of opinions. While I am always willing to listen to your advice, it is by no means my direct obligation to heed it. In the end, my life is my life and my happiness is directly correlated to my choices, not the opinion of others. Whatever I end up saying may not be things you may necessarily agree with, or even be the same as your own personal opinions on life, marriage, dating, whatever, but at the end of the day: this is my life and I stand by my choices. 

The Thing I've Learned Since I Left My Marriage 

1. Sometimes doing the best thing for you isn't the best thing for someone else, and that's something you have to be willing to do.... This was the hardest thing to learn, but I had an amazing support system around me who helped remind me that my happiness is just as important as the happiness of others and I need to take myself more into consideration. I described leaving as feeling liberated, like a weight was taken off my shoulders, and that was only able to happen because of my support system and putting myself first. 
2. Your marriage doesn't have to be horrible for you to be unhappy.... Another extremely difficult almost impossible thing to learn. I kept telling myself "but we're fine! We travel, we do things together, and we've been together for so long!" I really didn't realize how unhappy I was until I sat down and thought about everything I valued in myself and how I saw those parts of me dissipate over the last few years, and how I didn't recognize myself anymore. I am a strong individual who does what her heart desires, not what she's "expected" to do, and that wasn't being demonstrated. 
3. Relationships shouldn't be based on expectation, they should be based on love, admiration, and respect, especially a marriage.... While this was something I learned only after being out of my marriage, I realized what I thought was love was actually comfort, and what I thought was respect was actually obligation. It was sad to realize how blindsided I was by things in our relationship just because I thought we were "fine" and that love didn't always have to be this passionate thing, but I felt the void in our relationship, whether he did or not I'm unsure but I couldn't deny that I spent months unsure if there was any love in our marriage. 
4. Just because someone is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints doesn't automatically mean they are perfect or perfect for you. 
5. I am strong...There are many women just like me who wanted to leave their husbands, even though they weren't abusive, there was no adultery, or major things that most people assume are the only reasons for divorce. I didn't leave because I didn't see any "real" issues in our marriage. I would blame my depression and sadness on being hormonal or expecting too much from him or myself, but when I finally realized it was time to leave it took all the strength I had and definitely strength I didn't have. 
6. I am loved...I cannot express enough love for those who took me in when I left. Shelby let me sleep in her guest room and didn't ask for the first few days what happened. Sonina texted me every day to check on me. My father called me every day to check on me. Gareth texted me when he realized and then let me cry on the phone to him. While I had some people who were not supportive and didn't agree with my choices, I always felt overwhelming loved and accepted by those I kept close around me. 
7. Everyone doesn't need to know everything... I still probably won't tell everyone everything. I've been very selective with who knows the details of my divorce and my relationship and I'm okay with that. I considered doing a post about why I left my marriage, but decided that it's no one's business. If you want to know, feel free to ask me then I can decide whether or not you need to know. Sorry not sorry. 

There's so much more than I've learned and feel like I could share, but these are the highlights. At the end of the day, my life is complicated, messy, beautiful, and constantly changing; I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. I am loved, I am strong, and I belong to myself and that's the important thing.